Proof Of My Life
by twent47blue
Summary: What if Yuki is dying and Shuichi is there to help him die happy? Gravitation is not mine, I just borrowed the characters for this fiction. R & R please. Thank you.Characters are OCC.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: Gravitation is not mine. I only borrowed the characters for this fiction.**

_Your heart is broken when you leave someone or someone left you. _

_For me it's always the latter. Everyone leaves...everyone passes on. _

_Soon I'll be living in a world that resembles am empty house. All alone...again._

_It's not how much time left we have that matters, it's how you live the _

_moment...that's what really counts...I met him right before autumn, _

_I wanted to spend Christmas with him but, I won't be able to light up the _

_Christmas tree now._

"Will you love me until I die? Can you do that for me?" Yuki said.

Shuichi watched his face, his fascinating face, no matter the pallor of his

sickness he still has a very gentle and handsome face. How could anyone so

young be dying? He is only 22 and he is already in his advance stage, no

more remission, no more chances. And my job is to ease the pain, how can

you do that? How can you give hope to someone who is already hopeless?

They stood outside the veranda and watched this light flickering on and off.

He looked up at the lamp post and tried to find a rock to throw at it. He

missed a couple of times and that tired him out soon enough.

"That is so upsetting, it's been like that for a few days now. Why

can't it go without warning? Why does it have to let everybody know by

blinking? Right? Have you heard this quote? Nobody sees you walking

away without wanting to be with you." Yuki said, with hands in the pocket of his gown.

He walked back in the facility, Shuichi waited until he is inside and

grabbed a rock and aimed at the blinking lamp post and take it out of it's misery.


	2. Chapter 2

"You want to know something? I'm crippled. My heart is crippled."

Shuichi told him, while he was lying down on his bed, he was in pain and Shuichi want to take his mind off it, he rubbed his stomach gently, stroking him and trying to ease the pain somehow.

"That is so silly." Yuki said.

"I keep the light on at night out of fear." Shuichi said.

"I do it out of loneliness. Do you know what my last wish is? It is to die next to someone. " He whispered in Shuichi's ear as Shuichi fell asleep next to him while the boy was rubbing his tummy to ease the pain somehow.

"I'm so scared...I don't want to die alone." Yuki said, drowsily.

Yuki moved the boy until Shuichi is lying next to him on his bed, he snuggled close to Shuichi until he can smell his hair. Yuki brought his cat with him.

"Pets are not allowed here." Shuichi said, gravely.

"Are you serious?" Yuki asked, shocked.

"Yes, am sorry." Shuichi said, sadly.

Yuki handed the boy the cat.

"You take care of him then." Yuki said, grumpily.

"He won't live long if I do." Shuichi said.

"It's your job to help people die, do a good job for him." Yuki said.

He handed Shuichi the rest of the cat's things, food, kennel, blanket and chew toys.

The next day Yuki came over unannounced at the boy's doorstep, demanding to see his cat, Sam. Shuichi was hesitant to let him inside the house butYuki walked right in and started inspecting the boy's house right next to the facility and the boy's private life. He went to Sam and started stroking him, while the boy hurriedly try to tidy up the place a bit.

"Sam? The guy over there is a liar. He said he would help me die gracefully, but he have been avoiding me since I got here." Yuki said.


	3. Chapter 3

He put the cat down and turned to the boy.

"Why did you tell me to come here then? Don't treat me like am gone,am still here, am still alive. Believe me. Living a long life doesn't mean much. Life is like a dream, I just happen to have a longer dream, that's what life is. You're trying hard to look cold. But I know you're warm hearted." The older man said.

Yuki looked at his young intern, trying to hold back the tears. He cuddled the feline closer for the last time and put it back in his kennel.

"Show us your warm heart. So we can also leave here feeling warm." Yuki said.

Yuki walked over to Shuichi and touched his face gently and then walked out the door.

The next day, Yuki was typing on his laptop when he convulsed violently and passed out right in the middle of the activity room. Shuichialmost half carried him to the emergency room almost all by himself, his heart jumping in his throat. Frantically watching over Yuki as he waver from consciousness to unconsciousness, holding his hand, massaging his tummy the way Yuki liked it. Shuichi stayed that way till the wee hours of the morning when Yuki finally woke up, stirring with a groan, Shuichi jerked awake immediately,

"How do you feel?" Shuichi asked, worriedly.

"You stayed up all night by my side?" Yuki asked, weakly. The boy nodded.

"So I wouldn't die alone?" Yuki asked. Shuichi smiled and nodded.

"Thank you." Yuki said, smiling weakly, touching the boy's head, fondly.

Shuichi walked aimlessly at the beach, those familiar places where they used to go, the park, where they played like little kids at the swing, and his feet dragged him inside the church. He knelt in front of the altar, clasping his hands together in fervent prayer, tears streaming down his face like rain,

"Father, is this what you wanted from me? Seeing your love ones and their lives sucked away from them? What should I do? There's nothing I can do! Nothing! There's nothing I can do. Living is even more painful than dying!" He cried with tears that are bottomless.

Shuichi came home and found Yuki busy in the kitchen, cooking dinner, he looked so alive and vibrant that Shuichi almost believed that diagnosis is wrong, that he will live, that Yuki will be with him.

"I hope you enjoy the meal I cooked, I don't know what you like, so I cooked a little bit of everything." Yuki said, couldn't look at the boy in the eye, nervously fixing the table. Looking so flustered and nervous. He is more than 6 feet tall but sitting there, he look so


	4. Chapter 4

small, so frail, lost a lot of weight and his face gaunt. He looks like a little boy asking for approval. Shuichi had his first bite and enjoyed it, he's a good cook, smiling and looking happy, he dig in his rice and orange chicken.

Suddenly, the chopstick cluttered on the table and he started heaving, rushing to the bathroom to throw up the dinner and yesterday's meal. Shuichi rushed after him. Shuichi was closed to tears, his heart tearing apart seeing him so sick.

"You have to watch what you eat." Shuichi said, handing him the towel while he heaved his meal at the bowl. Yuki looked at him, his face so white, Shuichi's heart broke right then and there and held him close to him to hide his tears.

"Why can't I just eat what I like? I want to eat and live like everybody else! Is that too much to ask?" he said, looking at the boy with those dreamy golden eyes. I Shuichi lost himself in them for a moment.

"You should look at yourself in the mirror, you look terrible." Yuki said with a smile, tweaking the boy's nose at the same time.

"I can't believe you are saying that now." Shuichi said, turning pale.

"But, it's true, you're not the patient here, so stop looking like one." Yuki said, he tried to stand up and the boy helped him up.

"I just want to cook for you. I didn't know what you like or how you like your food, I just want to see you eat I what I cooked." Yuki said, and embraced the boy.

They went to the park, Yuki wants to play in the park, ride the swing and plant flowers all over the place, Yuki wants to plant a tree that he wants Shuichi to name it after him, it would be his tree.

"I marked it here somewhere." Yuki said, looking around, "There."

Kneeling down, "Come over here." Yuki beckoned. The boy knelt down beside him and helped him plant his tree.

"Think of me when the flowers bloom after I die. There's nothing here now, but there will be lots of them by Spring. I sprinkled flower seeds all over here, it would be beautiful like your face." Yuki said, touching the boy's face.

"Flowers don't bloom like that." Shuichi smiled.

"They don't? Isn't that how it works?" His face looking so forlorn all of a sudden.

That remarkable smile vanished and the boy wanted to see that again.


	5. Chapter 5

"What I mean is, you have to water them." Shuichi said.

"Please do. I want to leave behind traces of my existence. It's so sad to think that nobody will remember that I ever lived." Yuki said, he looked at the boy and touched his face and gathered him in his arms, Shuichi felt for his heartbeat, was trying so hard to hold back the tears, these are one of those moments Shuichi will miss, these are memories that he wants to go on forever.

"Your heart is in pain, isn't it?" Yuki asked as if he can see right through the boy.

Yuki Eiri is like the boy and not the man, maybe he is trying to fit all of his missed memories in one day with the boy. Ever since Shuichi's father left him the facility to run, he tried to be there to most of his patients, especially the most critical ones, like this complicated man he is falling in love with. Shuichi don't want to add to his burden, he know Yuki is suffering like he is.

"No." Trying to act as if this moment is not affecting him as much as he knows it would. Shuichi shouldn't feel anything for him. But, this past few days had been heaven on earth because of him.

"Mine is." Yuki said. And held the boy tighter, as if it is the matter of life and death and Shuichi held on as tight as he did, wanting to absorb him, wanting to eat him up and swallow him whole, so he would live inside of him. So that he don't have to lose Yuki, he would live in him, forever.

"Will you hold me if I tell you I'm cold?" Yuki asked.

Yuki held him closer, smelling his hair, his skin, absorbing him the same way, Shuichi trying to make them one.

"So warm...Why am I happy even though am dying?" Yuki asked, and kissed the boy, Shuichi just melted in his arms. Suddenly, he didn't care if it was another man kissing him. He loves Yuki, that's all he knows.

"I've never prayed in my whole life, but, I've also never wanted anything this bad. I'm on my knees begging you now. Please...give us more time. I haven't done anything for him. I can't let him go just yet. Please let him live. At least until he can live without pain or sadness." Shuichi cried, as he knelt at the facility chapel.

"Don't go, I'm in so much pain." Yuki said, weakly, reaching for his hand. Shuichi kissed it.

" I'll get you pain killers." Shuichi said.

"You're a fool!" Yuki shouted so strongly.


	6. Chapter 6

That stopped him right in his track. "You don't get it, don't you? You are my pain killer!" Yuki said, grabbing his hand and placing it on his tummy where it hurts.

"Weird, isn't? Your presence makes me so happy. Where were you?" Yuki asked, weakly.

"I was busy." Shuichi smiled, hiding the anxiety in his voice.

"I kept looking for you. I feel edgy without you. I break into tears whenever you're gone. I know that's too much to ask for. Am I too selfish? Say something this is too hard for me." Yuki said, trying to hold back his tears.

Shuichi held his hand in his, "It's hard for me, too. I hate hearing you moan at night, and seeing if you're okay the next morning. Because there's not a damn thing I can do for you. Just be here and watch you slip away from me." Shuichi said, quietly.

"I see. I didn't know." Yuki said. Wiping his tears.

"Do you know how it feels to lose someone you care so much about? I don't think I can go through this again. You have no idea, how much I love you and how much it hurts to see you cry." Shuichi said. Not holding back the tears anymore, and kissing his face, his wonderful face.

"I wish I could always be with you. But I know that's impossible." Yuki said.

_I met Shuichi right before Autumn, I wanted to spend Christmas with him. But I won't be able to light up the Christmas tree now._ This is what Yuki said in his living will. Shuichi never thought Yuki cared about him that much, that he would be part of his living testimony.

_Nobody wants to see you walking away, without wanting to be with you._

They were outside Yuki's bedroom door, his final hour has come, his brother was right outside, convincing Shuichi to go in and talk to him for the last time.

'I'm too scared to see him." Shuichi said, wringing his hands.

"Scared? Scared of what?" Tatsuha asked, holding his arm, trying to give comfort which the boy should be giving him.

Shuichi looked up to him. "Scared of my heart that I've given him."

It gives Shuichi a warm feeling inside watching Yuki's face on the screen as Yuki relate in his testimony about Shuichi...about them...how he feels...how Shuichi feels...It makes him greedy for more life.


	7. Chapter 7

"I don't look at time anymore. But when I'm with Shuichi my eyes were fixed on the watch. It makes me want to grasp each and every moment." Yuki said, in his living will.

"I read somewhere that the whales comes back exactly where they are harpooned. He reminds me of that. I know he will be back. I don't care of it's a day or an hour before he dies. After all...he's the one I want to bury in my heart." Shuichi said.

"To me, life means seeing you, and death means not seeing you, that what makes me afraid of dying." Yuki said, to him one night, as he lay beside Shuichi.

"Don't think like that. Use your heart if you can't see with your eyes." Shuichi said, holding him tight.

Shuichi remembered Yuki's last words to him before he went on his final journey, he was holding his hand, "I never knew why I was born. But I do now. You're the only proof that I ever existed." Yuki said. He touched the boy's face and a tear rolled down his eye, a smile playing on his lips, the smile Shuichi so loved with all of his heart.

"Thank you for being proof of my life." Yuki said, and with that, his life ebbed away.

They use to have a secret code between them, a blank piece of paper folded up like a letter, Yuki started that little habit of sending him blank notes whenever he wanted Shuichi to remember something they've done or what they wanted,

"You open it up, and close your eyes, and remember and listen to your heart to know what is really written there, what I really want to say." Yuki said.

Shuichi held that paper once more, the last one he sent, and he can't help but cry, "I'm sorry, darling, it's just too much, too sudden, too soon but, I'm ready to let you go now." Shuichi whispered to the picture of the older man on his desk.

This what Shuichi imagined him writing in his last letter, "I miss you so much, every second I spent with you was so beautiful, you made my life end happily."

Shuichi could also imagine him smiling down at me at his own place in heaven,

"Are you okay down there without me? " Yuki said, with his elusive smile.

OWARI


End file.
